Paying It Static

One reason I don’t care for gift-giving holidays is that most people feel obligated to buy, give and keep worthless crap. Hey, I feel guilty giving (or throwing) my gifts away too! But lately I’ve realized my feelings of relief top my feelings of guilt when I get rid of things I don’t need.

“Oh, so our gifts aren’t good enough for you, you ungrateful bastard?”

Pretty much. Seeing people doing something meaningful with their time and money would be an awesome gift for me, though.


Guns for All, and to All a Good Night

Chuck Heston is doing cartwheels somewhere. Coloradoan gun activists are already pissed off that marijuana users cannot get a license to carry a concealed firearm. I wouldn’t have guessed that issue topped the list for… anyone. On the other hand, I haven’t been to Colorado in over ten years. Maybe concealed guns are a necessity.

Personally, I live in California, use medicinally, own a pellet gun, and only shoot when sober. That doesn’t mean everyone has such incredible common sense, though.

Youth Decay Lately, Lately.

12/20-I just had to quote my mom from breakfast this morning:

“Wow, look at the waves out there! I think there are surfers out there! Or maybe it’s just spots on the window.”

OMG. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s spit-take-worthy.

12/21-My parents… True Democrats to the core. Even getting ready to host a party, and they still talk and talk and talk about doing stuff and getting ready, and never do it! Four hours until the party, and they aren’t even here. Give me a break. I bet if I told them their son was a Republican they’d have simultaneous heat(sic) attacks. For the record, I don’t approve of any political party enough to claim it. Guess I’ll have to start my own.

Controlled Substance Hot Sauce

I have a new line of hot sauces. I have a name, tagline, and a starburst for each bottle. I’m trusting that no one I plan to give hot sauce to for xmas reads this. I rate it at an 89% likelihood no one sees it.

1.) Controlled Substance Hot Sauce, “Give your food SPICE without parole!”, FDA DENIED! (also, “Charge your food with having a concealed weapon… of FLAVOR!”)

2.) Walter’s Own Big Leb-OW!-ski Hot Sauce, “Not cool, dude!”, NOW WITH DONNIE”S ASHES!

*my own cannabis hot sauce will be called ‘blaze’ in small black and white lettering.

Give the Barackracy a Cigar!

I don’t care what the people say, Obama is the Man! Restoring Cuban relations? Brilliant. Pro baseball players, cigars, bananas, marijuana, any extra Castros lying around… Now we can have them all, and stop being fools. It may crush some dedicated black marketeers, but otherwise help economies of the two countries. You can hold a grudge against the Castro family, but staying angry at all of Cuba? That does not make sense.


In thousands of years, humans will integrate to the point that race is no longer an attribute to get worked up over. I predict race will still contain historical importance, but will be mostly referred to in an aesthetic manner. Our human genetics would still create a general fear of the unknown, but only ignorance creates hatred between races, and instincts will prevail! Put a neo-nazi woman in an abandoned town with a hesidic jewish man, and they will probably procreate anyway. That approach makes a lot of hate-fueled acts futile, and makes racism pointless.

A Michael Brown Christmas

Okay, check this out. It’ll blow your mind.
As a mass protest event, protestors can choose a day, all covert style…Choose a day, and send physical and online police officer job applications in for twenty-four hours with the name Michael Brown as the applicant. What, too subtle? It is a little dark and a little dramatic, but people love that shit, AND it’s peaceful. Twenty-four hours only, though. Keep it organized and professional.
What do you think?